


He Didn't Believe In Love

by mygodhatesme



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Death, Funeral, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 11:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9069352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: The first time Justin's back in Pittsburgh is for his lover Brian's funeral.





	

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so I'm not really good at describing emotions using the language. Sorry for that in advance.

Justin woke up to a sunny day, he looked at the ceiling. Last night he and Brian had a discussion on if they could work on a long distance relationship, they didn't agree to it. Justin thought Brian was against it just because there was no sex involved. Justin was also angry at himself, it had been just four months since he came to New York but he already was missing Brian so much. 

He headed to the shower after he checked his texts to see if Brian texted him. He got inside of the boiling hot water, he washed his hair and moved the body wash all over his body. He was imagining the hands running over his body was Brian's. 

Actually Brian was the one that called, told Justin he missed him and he even said he'll come visit him in two weeks. As he was missing him Justin thought he would like a long distance relationship, now he was thinking how bad of an idea was to ask him about that. 

He got out of the shower, put on his underwear and dried his body with the towel. Sat down to the chair right beside the window to watch the city view in the morning and sketch it. He stopped when his hand started shaking and started looking for something to wear. He decided on jeans and a patterned shirt. He got his phone and texted Brian saying "Wish you were here." 

He opened the fridge and was disappointed seeing it empty. "Well I need to go shop for groceries then." he said to himself. He got his jacket in case it gets colder and left the house. He went to his usual store which was at the corner of the street he lived in. "How are you Candice?" he asked politely to the store owner, "I'm good and you seem in a good mood yourself young man." she told him. "I'm just gonna buy something to make breakfast." he smiled "Then go for it, you know where everything is." she told him. He left the store with some cereal, milk and orange juice. He had a feeling that he needs to call Brian and talk about last night. 

He got back to the loft, had his cereal and laid down on his grey coloured sofa. Had his phone in his hand, called Brian and it directly went to voice mail. "You're probably in a meeting or something, would you please call me back as soon as you get this?" he left a voice mail. Justin had no friends in the city, he decided to go out again and meet new people. He went to a coffee shop which was considered a popular place in the city. He was taking his coffee by there on his way to work. He got a job in an arts gallery, but he didn't work on weekends so that day was his free day. He had the whole day to himself. 

He had his coffee in his hand, he took the tube to Central Park. He wanted to walk while the weather was still nice. He had literally nothing to do, he was curious about how was things doing in Pittsburgh which reminded him that he hasn't spoken to Debbie for a while. He called her, she opened the phone as usual saying "Hello sunshine." her voice was calmer than usual. "Is there something wrong Deb? You sound upset." he was thinking of the possibilities that could make her sad or mad. Maybe there was something about Michael or she maybe needed money. 

"Yes, there is something wrong. And it's about Brian." Debbie's voice was so still "He got shot last night around 4am, he's in surgery." she told him. "I talked to him around midnight last night. How did it happened." Justin had a feeling that saying him to sit down. "I'm coming there, I need to see him." he was sitting on a bench in Central Park and crying. "No need Justin, he'll be alright. I can keep you informed." Debbie said. 

Justin didn't listen Debbie and he decided to go to Pittsburgh. He called his employer and told her that he will be gone for two days meaning he won't be working on Monday and Tuesday. He rented a car to go there since a flight would be expensive and bus would take too long. He was there after five and a half hours, he rushed to the diner. As he thought Debbie was there serving.

"Sunshine,I told you not to come." 

"I had to come, can you take me to him?"

"Of course darling, can you please sit down and wait until my shift is done. Or you can call Michael." so Justin called Michael asking if he could come to the hospital with him. 

Justin stayed at the hospital that night, he was still not woken up and doctors were saying that he was still in a dangerous situation. He hold his hand all night, he kissed his hand. He thought if this was how Brian felt when Justin got bashed. He asked Michael if he knows about how did it happen, but he told him nobody knew a thing. 

Justin fell asleep that night holding Brian's hand, crying and begging for his life. He woke up the next morning to the sounds coming from the machines. The voices coming from the machines were scary, they were just like in the movies when someone heart stops. He thought if that was happening to him. He left his hand and walked through the door. "Can somebody come!" he shouted, a nurse ran towards him and got in the room. 

The nurse asked Justin to leave the room and she got a doctor to see the situation. The door was closed and Justin knew nothing about how he was doing. He sat right beside the door for at least half an hour then the nurses and the doctor came out. 

"We're sorry for your loss. Mr. Kinney has past away." the doctor told him. Justin got his phone and called everyone. He wanted to call Lindsay and Melanie but he couldn't reach them since they were in Canada. Everybody was there after Justin called. Justin got permission to see his dead body and kiss him one last time. "You were right about me not letting you go. Now I have no choice." he kissed Brian on his forehead and left. 

They were all sitting in Debbie's living room just like they were when Vic died, this time there was no Brian talking shit. Emmett was working on the funeral which everyone knew Brian would hate. Justin called his employer and asked for one more day off. She was not okay with it but once he explained it she was okay with it. Ben got in touch with Lindsay and Melanie, the girls told them they're sorry for not attending the funeral. 

He had nothing but a pair of jeans with him, Justin wanted to attend the funeral wearing one of Brian's suits. He picked one, he knew it won't be fitting him but Justin had no problem with the suit being too big to him. It smelled like Brian, it had that sour but light smell. 

It was just like Vic's funeral, emotional and powerful. Justin had some things to say; "Everyone saw him as an heartless asshole. He always spoke his mind, was never ashamed of his work and he was too proud to ask for help. He tried to settle down for me, he tried to be someone he's not just to make me happy. He told me to go after my dreams because he saw me upset. I was not unhappy because of not succeeding at art, I was unhappy because he worked too hard for me to be happy but I did nothing. I did left for New York, dreaming for him everyday. It's been just a few months and we talked regularly. You may not see him as a good man but he had a heart, a black heart nobody could see but me.". When it was over Justin was glad that it was over. He wanted to go the Brian's loft and feel him to the bones. 

He sat on his bed, he started examing the loft. He had a memory if him in every corner. He was thankful for all these memories. 

Justin visited his mother before he left for New York. She had no idea of the events and she told Justin that she would visit his grave. His mother used to refer Brian as 'that Brian' or something disrespectful but that was something she left behind.

He felt like he was finally ready to let go of him and start a new life. He hoped that Brian knew that Justin loved him and his heart belonged to him. He went back to New York to succeed in art, work on his life harder. He worked harder than ever to be sure Brian's proud of his prince's work...


End file.
